Everyone Hates a Crying Baby (Including You, and That's OK)
How to deal when your angel is shrieking like a demon
My friend Matt recently shared a slice o’ parenting bliss with me which I imagine many parents can relate to…
He was trying to do something parent-y, and his son wasn’t having it. Like knockdown, dragged out, full on meltdown not having it.
"His crying throws me into fight-or-flight mode,” Matt said, because he’s self-aware. “Not great when you can't run away from your baby – and punching them in the face is generally frowned upon." 😆
His phrasing gave us both a little laugh, but the struggle is real. That high-pitched wail of an upset baby isn’t just loud – it’s biologically designed to trigger your stress response.
Indeed, babies’ cries have actually evolved to be “maximally annoying” so that they’ll capture our attention.
And it works!
Even non-parents respond to that sound and feel a tug to mitigate it. This trait is apparently unique to humans, which blows my mind a little bit.
Ready for another wild fact?
A baby’s cries are typically in the range of 99 - 120 decibels… where your average motorcycle zooms in and out of traffic at around 80 - 100 dB (sometimes with the cyclist standing on one leg, because people in Miami are insane).
Even a rock concert is quieter than your blubbering little munchkin, with the thumping topping out around 100 - 115 dB. 🎸
By the way… extended exposure to sounds over 85 dB can be damaging, and anything above 110 dB can cause permanent hearing loss.
No wonder you feel frazzled when your little one starts screaming.
And while you might think “hello, that’s part of parenting”, it can be a real problem. Because when fight-or-flight kicks in, it creates a stress feedback loop.
Baby cries → you get stressed → they sense your tension → they cry more.
Definitely not the calm, supportive parent vibe you’re going for.
So what can you do?
First – invest in some earplugs.
Loops makes a few versions with different features and are the best looking ones on the market. Good in case you want to wear your earplugs in public too, or just want to instill excellent taste upon your kiddo at an early age. I have a pair like this that’s very comfortable.
Hearos were developed for musicians and are especially good for concerts… if you still have time to go to concerts.
So first, get yourself some earplugs. (Those are affiliate links which reward me for sharing cool stuff with you, without costing you a cent.)
Second… breathe. 🧘
As soon as you feel your stress spiking, try this technique to help you tune out the wailing in the background.
Ready to calm your nervous system right in the middle of the chaos?
Sama Vritti Ladder
I know your arms might be full of sobbing angel/demon. But sit or lay down and try to position yourself as comfortably as you can.
Start with a gentle exhale.
Inhale through your nose for 3 counts.
Exhale through your nose for 3 counts.
On the next breath inhale for 4, exhale for 4.
Then inhale for 5, exhale for 5, and so on.
Continue up to 10 (or less, whatever feels comfortable. You’re not trying to push yourself here – the goal is to calm down despite the screeching angel/demon in your presence.)
Take another breath at your highest level, then work your way back down the ladder until you get to 3 again.
Repeat the full ascending/descending cycle 2-3 times.
This is one of my absolute favorite breathwork exercises even though I don’t have any howling infants in my life. It can help you calm down from anything that is giving you the same “Dear Lord, please make it stop” vibes.
What makes it so effective? The ascending counts give your mind something to focus on aside from the incessant noise – kind of like counting sheep, but way better. 🐑
And the longer exhales activate your parasympathetic nervous system, bringing your body out of “holy crap, get me out of here” and into “I will sit here and be a loving, comforting presence” mode.
Parenting is full of moments that can push you to the edge – but those moments are also opportunities to build resilience and calm. Breathwork isn’t about pretending stress isn’t there; it’s about giving yourself a buffer so you can handle it with grace.
Don’t underestimate the ripple effect this has. When you use your breath to calm your own nervous system, your baby can sense that. You’re not just soothing yourself; you’re modeling a way of being that helps everyone in your family feel more at ease, even if they don’t realize it yet.
So next time your tiny one’s cries are testing your zen:
Notice your stress level rising.
Start your Sama Vritti ladder.
Remind yourself: this is just a phase (because, truly, it is).
Parenting is tough, but you’re tougher – and your breath is here to back you up.
Last Gasp
Crying babies are like good intentions: both should be carried out immediately!
~ Brigham Young