The Unsexy, Unshiny, Totally Empowering Side of Self-Care
Turns out, the stuff that makes the biggest difference is also the easiest to overlook
International Self-Care Day is this week, and if that makes you think of cucumber slices and a 90-minute detox massage, I get it.
Since the concept of “self-care” went mainstream over the past dozen-ish years, we’ve been sold the idea that it’s a luxury. A splurge. A bubble bath with a glass of wine while sporting a sea algae face mask that costs more than dinner.
But real self-care?
It’s not something you do once a month when you hit your breaking point. It’s something you build into the way you live.
It’s not a reward. It’s a rhythm.
🛏 Self-care is going to bed before you're past the point of tired.
It’s giving your body permission to rest… without guilt or negotiation.
Think: choosing to close your laptop instead of powering through. Turning the light off instead of doom-scrolling one more reel. Skipping just-one-more-email in favor of just-enough-sleep.
We live in a culture that celebrates late-night hustle. But the fact is, pushing past exhaustion doesn’t earn you any prizes. It just earns you brain fog and burnout.
Sleep is part of the job of being human. It’s when your body repairs, your mind processes, and your nervous system resets. And making it a non-negotiable part of your day? That’s a radical act of self-respect.
Self-care doesn’t always look like a nap in the middle of the day (though that absolutely counts). Sometimes, it’s just giving yourself a proper wind-down, a comfortable room, and the chance to actually rest.
🍲 Self-care is eating food that nourishes you and feels good.
Not because you “should.”
Not because it’s on-trend or macro-balanced.
But because your body deserves fuel that supports you—physically and emotionally.
There’s self-care in planning a nutrient-rich meal. And there’s also self-care in eating toast for dinner when that’s what you can manage.
It’s not about perfection. It’s about presence.
It’s noticing how certain foods make you feel—not just in the moment, but in the hours after. It’s creating a plate that honors your hunger, your cravings, your energy, your needs.
And maybe even sitting down to eat without multitasking. Just you, your meal, and some mindful awareness of how your food tastes, how it feels to chew it, and how it is satiating you.
Feeding yourself well (whatever that means for you today) is self-nourishment on every level.
🌀 Self-care is listening to your body when it whispers…
Instead of waiting until it’s shouting to pay attention.
It’s realizing that your shoulders are up by your ears. That you’ve been holding your breath as you’ve been reading that email. That your jaw is clenched, or your heart is racing, or your brain is foggy.
And then choosing something small to soften the moment.
Like a sip of water.
A stretch.
A hum.
Or—my favorite—a few intentional breaths.
Breathwork isn’t just a wellness trend. It’s biology. Your breath is always available, and it’s directly connected to your nervous system. It’s the fastest, simplest way I know to go from frazzled to grounded.
You don’t need accoutrements or a full routine. You just need a moment of awareness and a willingness to pause.
Try this:
Inhale gently through your nose.
Exhale slowly through pursed lips like you're cooling soup.
Repeat a few times, for around 2-3 minutes.
Feel the shift.
That’s breathwork. That’s self-care. And it works in the middle of your day, not just at the end of it when you “have time”.
🪞 Self-care is how you speak to yourself.
It’s the story you tell about… well, everything.
Your productivity. Your pace. Your worth. Your body. Your needs.
If the voice in your head sounds like a burned-out taskmaster or a high school frenemy, no bath bomb on earth is going to undo that.
So here’s something to try: pick one moment today to check in with your inner voice.
Ask:
Would I say this to someone I love?
Is this helping me feel better, or not so much?
What tone would feel more helpful right now?
Then take a breath. And say something kinder, even if you don’t fully believe it yet. Over time, that small shift will become a big one.
That, too, is self-care.
Don’t get me wrong. I love a good deep tissue massage. I will absolutely take a candlelit soak. And I will even do it with snail goo smeared all over my face.
But real self-care?
It happens on the regular—in the in-between.
It’s ordinary. Unsexy. Invisible to most people.
And that’s what makes it powerful.
So if you’ve eaten a real meal today… taken a deep breath when you didn’t feel the urge to… or said no to something that drained you…
Congratulations. You’ve practiced self-care. Copious amounts of time and money not required.
💌 Self-care that doesn’t require clearing your calendar? Yes please.
If you liked this, you’ll love my weekly newsletter. It’s packed with easy, doable tips to help you breathe better, stress less, and feel more like a human even on the weirdest days.
No fluff. No pressure. Just a little inbox self-care. You’ll also get instant access to my 5 Breaths in 5 Minutes kit—a free set of simple breathwork tools to help you reset anytime, anywhere.
Last Gasp
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” — Audre Lorde