We’re All Living in a Bowl of Split Pea Soup

Why most “how to cool off” advice doesn’t work (and something that does)

I’ve always had a theory that most people live in a place where the weather is likely to make them miserable for a few months of the year. The question is, which months of the year and in what way.

Growing up in the midwest, those months were usually December(ish) to March(ish) due to gray skies, subzero temps, and sludgy snow. 

These days, though, I live in Miami, so my miserable weather months tend to be… right about now.  

When I first moved here, it took me a minute to catch on.

I had no clue I should have a jacket at all times from April to October to help defend against things like visible sweat, copious amounts of sun, rain bombs that interrupt the copious amounts of sun, and HVAC units aggressively blowing Siberian-level winds straight into the depths of your soul. 

I was also blissfully ignorant about the heat index hitting triple digits before noon, the iguanas openly eating my plants and pooping in front of me, and the sensation of inhaling a damp towel straight from the dryer whenever I walked outside. 

My friends from home had a hard time understanding too.

Summer? A scourge? Come on, what planet are you from?  

These days, though, people get it. Because for the past few years summer has been hot pretty much everywhere. As I type this, one in five Americans is under some sort of heat advisory – and even if you’re not, it’s still sweltering.

The Usual Advice Doesn’t Cut It

Of course, there are a bunch of ways to cool off when it’s hot outside. But have you ever noticed how unworkable most of them are? 

I mean, you can only remove so much clothing… and you really shouldn’t anyway, because it helps to protect your skin (and maybe your dignity too).

Swimming is impractical. Even if you have access to a pool, it can be time consuming with the whole multiple-showers-and-changes-of-clothes aspect. By the time you’re done drying off and getting dressed, you’ve expended enough energy that it feels like it might be time to rinse off again.

Running through a sprinkler? Same issues. And unless you’re playing with your kids, you’ll come across as a little weird (not to mention creepy, if you were to do this kid-free at a playground splash pad.)

Remember those Sharper Image personal neck coolers? They looked like the special VISOR LaVar Burton wore in Star Trek to help him see. Except instead of wearing it over your eyes, you’d wear it around the back of your neck.

Yeah, they don’t make those anymore. And even if they did, have you ever seen someone wearing one IRL? No? Neither have I… which might be why they don’t make them anymore.

What about foldable hand fans? Simple to do, straightforward, non-intrusive, inexpensive…

And a lot of work!

If you fan yourself enough, you’ll find yourself getting warm all over again from the effort you’re expending.

In which case, you may need to hit the shower again – and for the problem with that, see the paragraph about swimming ^.

How to Use Your Breath to Cool Yourself Off

Ready for a more practical solution? 

Of course you are. 

This is called Sitali Pranayama and it’s known as the “cooling breath” in Ayurveda, a natural alternative medicine system. Ayurvedic practitioners are proponents of this breath technique during the summer, and especially during the hottest parts of the day. 

It’s also great to cool down after a yoga session if that’s your jam. And it’s super simple to do.

All you need to do is stick your tongue out, curl it, and inhale through your mouth.

You’ll want to inhale for a count of 5, then shut your mouth and hold your breath for a second or two. Release for a count of 5 through your nose and hold for a second or two while your lungs are empty before starting your next breath.

Sound complicated? It’s not, I promise! Follow along with me below.

I think you’ll love the feeling of coolness on your tongue while you inhale. It feels like sipping a nice cold drink through a straw. 

(Although this “drink” is free, has no calories or fat, and won’t make you have to pee.) 

Keep your rhythm feeling good and natural – go to a 4 count if 5 is too much, or a 6 count if that feels better. It’s more important to focus on the technique than on the timing.

So take a look around right now… 

And if the coast is clear, set a timer for 3 minutes and do this cooling breath. 

Now if it’s a struggle to curl your tongue – I know there’s a genetic component to that, and not everyone can do it. 

I’m sorry if you’ve never experienced the joy of sticking your tongue out at a sibling this way before. 

You’re not doomed to a life of inferior self cooling capabilities, though. I have an alternative that might surprise you…

A GOOD OLD YAWN. 

Yawning helps bring an abundance of fresh, cool air into your body. Studies have shown that it can help cool your brain – which of course controls the thermostat for the rest of your body. This brain-cooling effect explains why a lot of people yawn right before a big performance – their brains are cooling themselves off.

Will it make a noticeable difference in how you feel? There’s only one way to find out!

Fortunately, it’s very easy to make yourself yawn. Just look around you. If you happen to be reading this in public, I wouldn’t be surprised if you can see someone yawning right now.

No one to model it for you? Ask your significant other to fake it. Or find some videos of yawning babies and animals on YouTube.

Now please excuse me as you partake in cuteness overload… I’ve got some iguanas to chase away.

The Last Gasp

Do you have any specific questions about breathwork? I’d love to hear them. Leave a comment below!