When “Feeling Better” Feels Like BS

What to aim for on genuinely hard days

Lately, a lot of what I hear described as “tired” is something else entirely.

It’s not “I stayed up too late scrolling” tired. It’s not even “January is long and gray” tired. It’s the tiredness that comes from being alert all the time.

From carrying opinions, concerns, conversations, and consequences that don’t neatly clock out at the end of the day.

The news. The tone. The constant edge in the air.

Something is wrong. And your nervous system knows it.

I’m not here to give you a civics lesson or a hot take.

But I am going to say this plainly: when the world feels unstable, your body pays attention.

It might come across as shallow breathing. Jaw clenching. A low hum of irritation. Trouble focusing on things that normally feel easy.

Guess what? That’s biology doing its job.

Your nervous system evolved to respond to threats. As for what it interprets as a threat, it doesn’t differentiate between a saber-toothed tiger and a nonstop feed of uncertainty.

“Feeling Better” is the Wrong Assignment

On genuinely hard days, “feeling better” is a tall order.

It implies a tidy emotional arc with resolution. Things were not ideal → now they’re better → onward. And if not, there’s a subtle pressure to boot (“why aren’t you feeling better?”).

But days don’t always work like that. Especially not right now.

What is more realistic (and far more helpful) is asking a different question:

What would make this day more livable?

Not productive. Not inspirational. Just more “this-is-doable”.

It’s a lower bar and therefore much easier to hit.

What to Do When Your Day Seems Unfixable

I don’t have a system. I don’t have a morning routine that magically inoculates me from reality. (If I did, you’d know by now!)

What I have is a loose collection of things that help me stay in my body when my mind wants to sprint ahead, spiral, or brace for impact.

Some days that looks like:

Letting myself rant for sixty unfiltered seconds out loud without turning it into insight or action. Just pressure off the valve.

Putting on one song and I love and doing whatever I feel like – lip syncing, movement, whatever I’m feeling called to do at that moment.

Taking a news diet either by topic or duration because my nervous system has hit its quota.

Push-ups. I’m a big fan of push-ups. Just a set of 10 here and there throughout the day and before you know it, you’ve made it to 100.

What Breathwork Is (and What It Isn’t)

Let’s be real. None of these fix anything.

They just keep the volume from staying at eleven all day long.

Same with breathwork. Breathwork doesn’t make the world calmer. It doesn’t solve structural problems or cancel out bad news.

What it does do, when used well, is help you stay present enough to metabolize what you’re carrying.

I think of it less as a cure and more as a container.

A way to say to your body: This is intense. And we’re still here.

One of my go-to breaths on days like this is what I think of as a pressure-release exhale.

Nothing fancy. Just inhale through your nose – normal, unforced. Then exhale through your mouth, long and audible. A sigh is perfect.

Do that a few times. If you feel compelled to keep track, try it for about a minute. Stop before it turns into a project.

And then notice what shifts.

Not because everything’s better, but because you’re a little less braced for impact.

Some Feelings Don’t Fit on a Day’s Agenda

Some emotions are too big to be “worked through” in a sitting. Trying to resolve them quickly can backfire.

But big emotions do need places to land.

Tiny releases aren’t meant to erase what’s happening. They’re meant to help you live alongside it. To keep going without hardening or numbing out.

So on days when you’re just. Not. Feeling. It., here’s what I count as success:

• You breathe a little more fully than you were.

• You don’t abandon yourself to stay functional.

• You find one moment of honesty, whether it’s internal or in conversation with someone else.

• You let the day be what it is without making it mean something about you.

That’s not settling. That’s resilience in real time.

If you want something simple to reach for on days like this, two things to do:

First, hit the subscribe button so you get easy, actionable, surprisingly effective advice like this every week straight to your inbox.

Second, download your free “5 Breaths in 5 Minutes” kit, which gives you simple, doable ways to shift your state without needing perfect conditions.

Last Gasp

“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.” — Ashleigh Brilliant